Truth Telling in a World That Loves Comfort

There’s a fascinating concept in communication theory that changed the way I think about hard conversations and helped me understand why some of my recent words stirred up strong reactions.

It’s called the Four-Sides Model (also known as the Communication Square), and it suggests that every message we send communicates four things at once:

1. 📌 Factual Content - the information being shared

2. 💭 Self-Revelation - what it reveals about the speaker

3. 🤝 Relationship - what it says about the relationship between speaker and listener

4. 🎯 Appeal - what the speaker wants the listener to do, think, or feel

Let’s say a passenger tells a driver, “The light turned green.” That simple statement might seem purely factual. But what if the driver hears it differently?

• Factual: “The light is green.”

• Self-revealing: “I’m impatient and want to go.”

• Relationship: “You’re not paying attention and I’m watching over you.”

• Appeal: “Start driving!”

One sentence. Four layers. Which one did the driver hear? Maybe just one. Maybe all four. And the tone, body language, or existing tension between the people involved can cause the message to be interpreted very differently from how it was intended.

💉 When Truth Sounds Like Judgment

This idea helped me process something personal: I recently shared some thoughts, publicly and privately, about the use of Botox and cosmetic fillers. My heart behind it was to call attention to what I believe is a dangerous and deceptive beauty trend that doesn’t honor our God-given design. I approached it from a place of personal conviction, health awareness, and spiritual insight.

But the reactions from some friends weren’t what I expected.

Instead of engaging in the conversation, some felt hurt, offended, and even angry. Some assumed I was judging them personally or attacking their choices. And while I understand that cosmetic procedures are a sensitive topic, I walked away wondering… what did they hear that I didn’t say?

Through the lens of the Four-Sides Model, it made more sense.

I thought I was sharing factual content (these injections can have negative health and psychological effects). I also unintentionally revealed something about myself: that I’m deeply convicted about honoring our God-given bodies, natural health, and speaking truth, even when it’s uncomfortable.

But what they may have heard was something entirely different:

• That I was trying to control them (appeal)

• That I thought I was better than them (relationship)

• That they were wrong and should feel ashamed (judgment)

🧠 Interpretation Is Influenced by the Heart

I believe a lot of our misunderstandings come down to which “ear” we’re listening with and the condition of our hearts when we hear the message.

It’s very easy to interpret a message through the lens of guilt, insecurity, or unresolved conviction. If we’ve done something we’re unsure about, or we’re struggling internally with a choice, someone speaking truth, even gently, can feel like an attack.

But Scripture teaches us something powerful about how to engage in these moments:

We’re called to slow down before reacting. To listen with wisdom. To ask: Why does this upset me so much? Am I responding to the truth… or just how it makes me feel?

On the flip side, as truth-tellers, we also carry a responsibility:

We must check our tone, our intentions, and our timing. Truth without love is harsh. But love without truth is hollow. A mature faith requires both.

💬 What I Meant vs. What Was Heard

I never want to shame anyone for their past or present choices. That’s not my heart. But I also can’t silence the convictions God has given me just because the message might be uncomfortable.

In a world obsessed with youth, filters, and self-enhancement, I believe we’re called to stand apart. To say, “I am fearfully and wonderfully made” and genuinely believe it (Psalm 139:14). Not just for appearances’ sake, but because our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19).

My message was never “You’re wrong and I’m right.”
It was: “Have you asked God what He thinks about this?”
It was: “Are we honoring the body He designed with our choices?”
It was: “Could this pursuit of beauty be tied to a deeper spiritual deception?”

Those are hard questions, but they’re worth asking.

🤲 Grace for the Speaker and the Listener

We’re all going to get this wrong sometimes. We’ll speak too boldly, or not boldly enough. We’ll hear with sensitive ears instead of soft hearts. But if we want to grow in community and in Christ, we have to practice grace in both directions.

So if something I’ve said has made you feel uncomfortable, I invite you to pause—not to dismiss it or defend against it, but to bring it to God.

Ask Him:

• 🙏 “Lord, why did that trigger me?”

• 🕊 “What do You want me to see here?”

• 🔍 “Search my heart and show me any way I’m not aligned with You.”

And I’ll do the same.
I’ll keep checking my tone, my motives, and the way I present truth. Because the goal isn’t to be right—it’s to reflect Christ.

✨ In Closing

Every message carries four layers. And every person hears differently based on their past, their beliefs, and their spiritual posture. Let’s remember that when we speak, as well as when we listen.

Let’s be people who:

• 💬 Speak truth with love

• 👂 Hear truth with humility

• 💡 Receive conviction without offense

• 🤍 And respond with grace in all things

Because sometimes what we hear isn’t really what was said, and what was said might just be exactly what we needed to hear.

With love and conviction,
Casey